I can’t read a word of it. I only wear it. It gets read by somebody else — the woman coming the other way on the pavement, from about two metres, at walking pace, in roughly two seconds. That is the entire brief, and almost everything written about dog bandana sayings forgets it.
Below are the lines people order from me most, grouped by the job they do. There is a list of forty at the end to run your eye down. And two practical notes that decide whether a line gets read at all or squints back at the reader.
The only rule: two seconds
A bandana is not a page. It is a sign on a moving dog. Whoever reads it has neither the time nor the intention to decode a sentence — they take in a line, or they take in nothing.
- Short beats clever. Two or three words get read in passing. A full sentence gets skipped like a billboard.
- Capitals carry further than mixed case. There is a reason nothing on a hi-vis vest is written in script.
- One message per bandana. A name and a warning and a joke on one piece means none of them lands. If you want two, take two — that is what the sets are for.
- Read it out loud. Whatever trips your tongue will trip the eye as well.
Lines that do a job
The most useful group, and the most underrated. A dog who has had a bad time with strangers still gets touched, because nobody asks first. A line at the neck asks on your behalf, before the hand arrives.
- DO NOT PET — the most ordered working line there is.
- IN TRAINING — explains in two words why we are not stopping.
- GIVE ME SPACE — softer than “do not pet”, and dog people understand it instantly.
- NERVOUS — one word, and most people take the hand back.
- I’M FRIENDLY — the opposite, and just as useful on a big dog that strangers step away from.
- ASK ME FIRST — addressed to the human, not the dog, and that is exactly why it works.
- DO NOT FEED — for allergies, and for any dog living among well-meaning neighbours.
Honestly: an embroidered bandana is not a legal marker for an assistance or service dog and does not replace an official vest. It is a note to passers-by, nothing more — but as a note it works, because it sits at the height of the hand that is about to arrive.
The name — the most ordered line of all
And the one thought about least, though it does the most work. A name changes every encounter. Strangers address a dog by name instead of calling him “the little one”. Children stop asking what he is called — they call him.
The practical part almost nobody considers: if your dog goes missing, the name is the first thing a finder reads. They call him by it, and he stops. That is no substitute for a tag and a chip, but it is the first thirty seconds.
What looks good:
- The name he answers to. Not the kennel name off the pedigree — nobody reads that.
- A name plus one word: COOPER · BOSS, LUNA · NEW HERE.
- Just the initial, if you would rather not carry the name in public. A single letter stitched large looks deliberate, not thrifty — and “dog bandana with initial” is a request I get often.
Jokes that actually land
The mistake is always the same one: the joke is written for the owner, not for the stranger reading it. What is funny in the kitchen needs context. What is funny on the pavement needs none.
- I’M THE BOSS
- SNACKS FIRST
- BARK BACK
- MY HUMAN IS TRAINED
- LOOK GOOD, KNOW IT
- NOT SORRY
- NOT NEGOTIATING
You can see the pattern: all under four words, none needing anything explained, all funny read sideways.
Occasions
The second big reason people order. An occasion bandana gets worn once and photographed — and then it lives in a drawer, which is entirely fine, because that is what it was made for.
- 1 TODAY — a birthday, with the number.
- ADOPTED · 2026 — the day he moved in.
- BIG BROTHER — when a baby or a second dog arrives.
- NEW HOME — after the move.
- RING BEARER — a wedding, and yes, people order this.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS — more of those in my Christmas ideas for your dog.
Two practical notes
One: stitched, not printed. Print sits on top of the cloth and fails with it — it cracks, it flakes, it fades. Embroidery is thread running through the weave. That is why you can see it from the back, and why it outlasts the washing machine for as long as the bandana itself does. It is the reason I don’t print.
Two: shorter gets stitched bigger. The space on a bandana is fixed; your line is not. The fewer characters you write, the larger they are stitched — and the further away they can be read. A long line will fit, it just arrives small. That is why DO NOT PET beats please ask before you touch him every time in practice.
What I won’t stitch: abuse aimed at a named person, anything racist or hateful, and other people’s trademarks and logos. The list is short and it is settled before you order. Everything else is your call — I have no opinion about it, seeing as I can’t read it.
Forty lines to run your eye down
Working: DO NOT PET · IN TRAINING · GIVE ME SPACE · NERVOUS · I’M FRIENDLY · ASK ME FIRST · DO NOT FEED · DEAF · BLIND · WORKING
Name: COOPER · LUNA · BRUNO · NELLIE · COOPER · BOSS · LUNA · NEW HERE · the initial alone · a name with the year
Joke: I’M THE BOSS · SNACKS FIRST · BARK BACK · MY HUMAN IS TRAINED · LOOK GOOD, KNOW IT · NOT SORRY · NOT NEGOTIATING · TOO PRETTY FOR RULES · I GOT THE SOFA · MANAGEMENT
Occasion: 1 TODAY · ADOPTED 2026 · BIG BROTHER · BIG SISTER · NEW HOME · RING BEARER · MERRY CHRISTMAS · FIRST SNOW · FIRST BIRTHDAY · WE MADE IT
Quiet and plain: LOVED · HOME · GOOD BOY · GOOD GIRL · MY SHADOW · ALWAYS WITH ME · THANK YOU · LITTLE BEAR · SUNSHINE · BEST FRIEND
Where you type it
On every product page, in the same step where you pick the size and the colour. The stitching is free. It is in the price and it stays there. Everything is cut and stitched here in Prague after you order, and the parcel leaves the next working day.
Pick from all the bandanas, and when the weather turns, the same goes for the fleece hoodies — there the line runs across the back, where it reads from further away than it does at the neck.
For sizing, there is the size guide, and if you would rather look it up by breed: bandana size by breed, ten breeds with neck measurements in centimetres.
And once more, because it is the question I get most: no, I don’t know what mine says. I only know that people stop and read it. — Cooper